Last night I didn't sleep a wink. I stayed up all night running my SEO campaign and doing pointless bullshit. So today was a little bit rough. I pretty much miss every other day of sleep. It's a fucked up schedule and a reminder that what I'm doing isn't kosher.
So remember I told you about that girl I asked out on a date this weekend? I ended up running into her today. I was all tired, strung out and pretty much looking pretty raggedy when she walked into my friend's house where I was. I tried to be witty and clever in the conversation, like I usually can when I'm not running on no sleep, but unfortunately I just couldn't. I faked laughs, smiles and pleasantries just to keep hope with this girl alive. And I'm not quite sure that it is. Today was a very poor showing.
On that same girl front, I also had a terrible encounter with my ex-girlfriend today. I told her about the proposed date with this other girl, and she flipped a nut. I never should have told her. She drove the entire hour home from her school and tried to find me. I was hiding out at my friend's house for the day because my parents had to think I was at class. A class that I've already failed by virtue of the attendance policy (and I thought speed was supposed to help you in school). She talked to me but I literally felt no emotions as she was crying and balling her eyes out. It really made me feel shitty.
I had one final run-in today, with a friend that is very close to me. She asked me whether I was still doing these research chemical stimulants and I told her that, yes in fact, I was. She told me to flush them and find a career that didn't require me to need to be tweaked out to succeed. And she definitely had a point.
I also noticed that I look a little bit skinnier today. It's going to be a downwards slope every day until I'm gaunt and skeleton-like. Only a matter of time. Who knows when my parents will actually confront me about my use.
Overall, today was a shitty day.
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