Bi-Weekly Drug Test

So I'm on probation for getting busted with weed 2 summers ago. Yep, I'm still on probation. I got busted with amphetamines in my system twice. I had to go to rehab and jump through a whole bunch of hoops to stay on probation. But anyway, my testing is down to once every two weeks now. Isn't that great? It saves me so much money. But the issue is, I still missed my goddamn test. Here's what happened.

Once I started using again, I would take about 4-5 days off before my drug test to clear my system. I would basically just sleep the whole time. My parents were getting suspicious and I wanted to use all the time, every day, so I went out and bought something called the Pissinator. It's a contraption that's composed of a fake penis, a belt, a strap and a bag of fake urine. So when they're watching you take a piss they can't tell that you're substituting fake urine in. It's really life-like too. Like it looks exactly like my dick. Here's what the Pissinator includes:

Anyway, the issue was that I was too nervous to use the Pissinator. Would I be able to hide it? Would they notice? Would the fake urine even work for the test? So I just overslept 3 days in a row instead of going. I'm not sure what's going to happen as a result of that but hopefully my probation officer just overlooks it like everything else so far. She's missed two separate occassions where I just flat-out missed a test!

So today I finally got the balls to head up to the drug testing center, my PIssinator strapped tight to my body and ready to go. When I had to blow on the breathalyzer I was shaking something crazy, mix of the speed and intense nerve. Then I got my cup and headed to the bathroom. The attendant man took a glimpse to make sure I had a real dick and then shut the door. I squeezed the tip of the Pissinator and pushed on the fake piss bag strapped to my chest and out flowed the urine.

Then...the moment of truth. Would it pass? Of course it did. I was ecstatic to find this out even though my situation is still pretty sticky what with missing my test and all. It's just like old times, it really is. Which sucks ass. I hate being an amphetamine addict but at the same time I get so much done. My mom's starting to get suspicious of me and I know my time as a tweaker might end soon.

I read this quote about cocaine addiction (which is basically the same as speed or amphetamine addiction) and it said that "Cocaine is easy to stop but hard to make it stick". That's so true. There's no physical withdrawal besides sleeping a lot. But after a few weeks or a few months of sobriety, it's back to the tweaking days again. I think if I go to treatment again I'll seek out specific recovery tips for people that used speed. Because it's like...most people use their drug to get fucked up. And I mean, I'm not denying that I do that too. My dopamine pathways are fucked right now. But I also do it to get stuff done. No alcoholic or dope fiend was ever creating SEO empires when they were fucked up, but that's the difference between tweakers and the rest of em. So yeah next time I think I'll seek specific help for that.

Anyway yeah that's my story about the drug test....thanks for reading!

The Complications of Coming Down 10/25/2012

Last night I didn't sleep a wink. I stayed up all night running my SEO campaign and doing pointless bullshit. So today was a little bit rough. I pretty much miss every other day of sleep. It's a fucked up schedule and a reminder that what I'm doing isn't kosher.

So remember I told you about that girl I asked out on a date this weekend? I ended up running into her today. I was all tired, strung out and pretty much looking pretty raggedy when she walked into my friend's house where I was. I tried to be witty and clever in the conversation, like I usually can when I'm not running on no sleep, but unfortunately I just couldn't. I faked laughs, smiles and pleasantries just to keep hope with this girl alive. And I'm not quite sure that it is. Today was a very poor showing.

On that same girl front, I also had a terrible encounter with my ex-girlfriend today. I told her about the proposed date with this other girl, and she flipped a nut. I never should have told her. She drove the entire hour home from her school and tried to find me. I was hiding out at my friend's house for the day because my parents had to think I was at class. A class that I've already failed by virtue of the attendance policy (and I thought speed was supposed to help you in school). She talked to me but I literally felt no emotions as she was crying and balling her eyes out. It really made me feel shitty.

I had one final run-in today, with a friend that is very close to me. She asked me whether I was still doing these research chemical stimulants and I told her that, yes in fact, I was. She told me to flush them and find a career that didn't require me to need to be tweaked out to succeed. And she definitely had a point.

I also noticed that I look a little bit skinnier today. It's going to be a downwards slope every day until I'm gaunt and skeleton-like. Only a matter of time. Who knows when my parents will actually confront me about my use.

Overall, today was a shitty day.

Asked a Girl on a Date

So even though I'm pretty far down the relapse trail at this point, some things in my life are looking up. I did break up with girlfriend of almost two years and I don't believe I've quite processed that yet. But regardless, I've moved on. I found another girl already to take her place! I don't know if it's just me or the speed talking, but I think it's the right thing to do and I'm excited about it.

Here's the details: she's 17, I'm 21. Big age difference. We've both been attracted to each other for about three years, even though the timing never really matched up. She's an "old soul" I guess, she doesn't act her age and I don't act mine, but in the opposite way. She's beautiful and witty and very interesting. Whereas my ex-girlfriend was bossy, clingy and a little boring, she's very laissez-fair about everything and a very relaxing person to be around. Well, would be relaxing except for the fact that my heart starts beating faster and my sense perk up when she's around. :P

Here's more details for ya: she already had a date scheduled for this weekend before I asked her. But she said yes anyway! Not sure who she currently favors. History would say that it's me for sure, but she must have said yes to this guy for a reason. According to a friend, he's "handsome and wealthy". Psshh, I'm tweaking out over here and not really worrying about that fact too much. If I'm on speed, I can command the conversation, make her laugh and just have a grand old time. No worries there. And on that same note, I'm actually excited rather than nervous to potentially get into bed with her! Speed makes me last longer in bed!

I'm not sure where exactly I plan to take her yet. I was thinking about the apple orchard, but then I remembered all of the apples in the Midwest of America got destroyed by a late frost during the spring. I think we are gonna do something involving a fancy dinner. I want to use the money I've made through Internet Marketing to purchase the affections of a lovely lady!

If you have any recommendations for where I should take her, let me know! And if you think the age difference is too much, let me know that as well! I would really appreciate your input on all things in my journal as we move forward.

Welcome to the Tweaker Diaries

Hello and welcome to the Tweaker Diaries. My name is Anthony and I am a midwestern 21 year old who is addicted to research chemical stimulants. I wanted to document my speeding journey through the life of well, an amphetamine addict. I'm a speed racer, a Crankster Gangster, a Meth Monster, a Wooop Chicken, a Speed Fiend, a Hophead, a Grit Raptor, a Geekmonster, a Tweekaholic, whatever you want to call me just know this: I am thoroughly addicted to any type of speed I can get my hands on. 

I was clean for a few months but quickly relapsed when my drug testing went from 2X a week randomly to once every two weeks, scheduled. I'm right back at it again and dare I say "struggling" with the habit. In this blog I'll talk about where I get my speed, my rationalizations for using it, my stories involving it and just general tales from my speedster life. 

Enjoy!